Summary: A letter from Yoongi to Seokjin, 1000 days later. To tie up loose ends.
Warning: Prostitution, mentions of consensual underage sex having happened in the past, death.
It’s me, Yoongi. Or Suga, I guess. That’s what people know me as, now. But you’ll always know me as Yoongi, right?
It’s been exactly 1000 days since you passed away. I’ve been counting. A lot’s happened in the 3 years. Taehyung’s studying pre-med, and he’s really good at it. He says he’ll become a doctor so there won’t be any more people like you. I think he’ll do good in the world. Jimin’s majoring in political science. He didn’t know what he wanted to in the end, but all he knew was that he wanted to help people, and apparently once you told him that good people should be politicians. So he’s trying to become that. A good politician. I never associated Jimin with politics, but hey, he’s kind of good at it. And guess what Jungkook’s planning on doing?
He’s planning on studying law. Like you did. I think that’s his reason why, although he says he’s wanted to do it since he was little.
The little fucker took up smoking, though. Namjoon started again when you.. when you were taken from us, and Jungkook picked it up from him. You’d probably kill both of them if you were still here.
I’m doing okay. Namjoon, Hoseok, and I, we threw ourselves into music. We’re hitmakers, now. How weird is that? We’re actually in pretty hot demand. I can’t believe it. If only… if only you were here. To see all this. You’d be proud of us. And you’d actually be free from everything that was holding you back. Go back to studying, maybe, like you always wanted to.
I miss you.
I forbade myself from coming here more than once a month, but that failed miserably, as you probably know. The kids, too. I see Taehyung’s letters take up about half of this guest book. And I know Hoseok replaces the flowers every few days. I banned Jungkook from coming here because he’s got to study, but I’m not going to pretend I don’t know he comes here every week.
We all miss you, still. Been three years, and…
We haven’t moved, you know. Can’t. There are traces of you all over our old house. I bought the building from the owner and we cleaned it up a bit, but we left most of it untouched. I still catch Jimin crying sometimes, in the kitchen. We all kind of suck at cooking.
The reason why I’m writing to you today.. for the first time in 1000 days is that we released a song for you. It’s going to be out at noon today. Remember the piece of paper Namjoon put in, when we put you to rest? They were lyrics. We’ve never recorded a song ourselves before, you know. Just made music for people. This is our first time. We roped Jungkook and Jimin and Taehyung into it, too. Didn’t seem right without them, when it’s a song for you.
It sounds good, I think. Who knows what everyone else will think, but I think it sounds good.
It’s for you. You did everything for us. Lived every single moment of your life for us. Protected us even when we should have protected you.
Life is cruel that way. Took you from us, before we could protect you from it. Before I could.
I loved you, more than anything else. Still do, I guess.
I wish I had the courage to stop you every time you came back home in pain. I always hated myself for letting you go out there, but I was too scared to do anything about it. You always put us first, but every time I wanted to keep you back, I kept thinking about how we were going to carry on if you weren’t making money.
Sorry. I think to myself sometimes, if just I stopped you, if just once I put you above us, maybe you’d still be alive.
Sorry I didn’t come here and write before. I tried, multiple times. But I couldn’t. I didn’t know what to say. But it’s been 1000 days. I think…
I think it’s time to move on.
That doesn’t mean I’m going to forget you. I don’t think I could, even if I wanted, even if I tried. None of us are going to. I mean it’s time that I accepted you’ve passed on. Namjoon says you’re in a better place. I don’t believe in heaven, or god, or anything, but if there is a heaven, I’m sure you’re there. Even if there isn’t, I’m sure you’re somewhere good. I know you’re somewhere nice.
Wait for us there, hyung. Until then, I’m going to stop grieving. I’m going to stop crying and start facing forward. I loved you, and I still love you, and that’s not going to be the chains that bind me anymore. That’s going to be my strength to push me forward. I’ll take care of them, hyung. I know I promised you I would, but I’ve been kind of neglecting it. I’ll keep my promise. Because just as you meant the world to me, they mean the world to me, too.
I think Namjoon’s coming here soon, to let you listen to the song when it’s out. In fact, I think I hear him and Hoseok arguing about the color of the flowers… Yup, it’s them. Hoseok’s been buying pink flowers for you and Namjoon wanted to put in some white ones in. That’s what I can get from what I can hear…
I hope you like the song, hyung. After all, we wrote the lyrics for you. Not just you, though. For all of us.
Because we are bulletproof.
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